Chicken top trumps would never work

Visitor: What are their names?
Me: Sorry?
Visitor: The Chickens. What are their names?
Me: Chicken. They're all called chicken.
Visitor: Really?
Me: Oh apart from the cockerels. They're called lunch.
Visitor: What?
Me: Lunch.
Visitor: You’ve called all the boy chickens “lunch”. Isn't that confusing?
Me: Not for the chickens. If they did ever say something I imagine it would be in chicken. Not English.

Visitor: So you're planning on eating them?
Me: Not all of them. Just the cockerels.
Visitor: Why only the cockerels?
Me: They don't lay eggs.
Visitor: So if they laid eggs they'd be safe?
Me: No if they laid eggs they’d be hens. The hens are for eggs we don't want to eat them yet.

Visitor: Can I name the chickens?
Me: Knock yourself out.
Visitor: How will everyone know the names I've given to each bird?
Me: Have you thought about making badges?
Visitor: Where would I pin them on?
Me: What about collars or little medallions on a tape?
Visitor: I could put up a notice with a picture of each chicken and his or her name and their characteristics.
Me: Huh. I think you've just invented chicken top trumps.

That Pinter-esque exchange is why we don't have names for our chickens.

Chicken update

So the chicken coup is finally constructed. A few glitches along the way like the door getting in the way of the roof but I'm happy that it is not completely horrible and it should be safe from the local fox and rat community.

(pics to follow)

We've got a few cockerels in the coup at the moment. They are still quite young so it's difficult to be sure. A "girls only" ruling in the Allotment Society bylaws means all those noisy and tasty little fellows will be destined for the pot. The remaining chickens will be left to get on with it. We recon we might get a few more hens in a few weeks time to bolster the numbers. The egg laying will begin in earnest in August from the girls. We hope.

(pics to follow)

Pictures of the coup. (pics to follow)


More pics of our chickens (pics to follow)


You know what? They are really, really dumb. Honestly It takes a special kind of stupid to be a chicken in this coup.


In addition they are beginning to show some very human character traits. They are mean and spiteful and self-serving. They will step over their own Grandmother to get what they want and squawk and fuss if they think they are missing out on anything. Yet for all these character traits I don't hate them. (You reading this Bobbi?)


In time, I think that I may grow completely ambivalent towards these Chickens.



Aaww. They're great. Stupid, but great.

Chicks Man

We have some keen chicken fanciers in our Society. With their help and the kind donation of a quarter plot from on of the senior members we have a chicken coup.

Our shed is finished. Bits have been begged and acquired from all sources. It cost us about £45 each so far which between six of us is pretty good. Orange. huh! Seemed a bit odd when I first saw it. I quite like it now.

These are our chicks.

Not sure what variety the white one is, but those red heads are the Buff Orpington. We have 15 chickens in all. No boys allowed on the plot as the cockerels will drive the neighbours mental with all their noise.

Two are obviously roosters. However, if any more of these juveniles turn out to be boys, and it's so difficult to tell at this stage, its a piping hot stock pot for them just as the garlic coming into season. Great timing. Coq au Vin is a very rare treat.

I have stupid chickens. More pictures and tales of their monumental stupidity will follow.