I miss my allotment

It's lunchtime on Friday 15th January 2010 and it looks like I might just get down to the plot this weekend.


Next weekend I have the rather large 40th birthday of a very dear friend of mine and I will not be around. the next weekend is Coryn 65th Birthday bash so it is imperative that I make an appearance this week.


There won't be much I can actually do as the soil will be too damp and cold to walk on. Soil structure at this time of year is so fragile. My dirty great size 12s stomping all over it will do no good at all. Size 12s are however very useful for preparing a firm base for planting the brassica plot later in the year.


As I am blessed with a very large greenhouse. I’ll move the tea making stuff into there and have a potter around. Perhaps I’ll prepare some pots for planting or just sit and listen to my ipod.

Seed potatoes arrive next weekend. 8 weeks til spring.

It’s been the coldest winter for many decades. But you know what? The water in the toilet bowl still hasn’t frozen. When it does, that’ll be proper cold.

Be careful what you ask for

So in my last post I was ruminating on the idea that a few decent frosts might kill off all the bugs in the soil that have been ruining my carrot harvest this season.

Because of all this rubbish weather I've been to the plot twice since mid December.

I went once to pick up some cabbage to be greeted with a two inch covering of snow all over the plot. This was about a week before Christmas. Not until you see the snow on the ground do you realise just how busy the foxes are on your plot. Every couple of inches across the whole plot there were fox prints. The whole site looked like a massive skin of a golf ball.

An couple of days before new year I dropped off some manure and spread it around on one of the plots and picked up some fresh herbs for my trip away to the Cotswolds for New Year.

Since then the whole plot as been frozen solid and covered with snow.

We did manage to get some planting done at the beginning of December. We managed to get a lot of garlic in the ground which will love all the snow and frost as garlic likes a good cold snap.

We also planted some Broad Beans which will now be dead. They were a bit leggy when they went in so the snow would have crushed them. Never mind I'll get some more in soon and hopefully they will be big and strong before the aphids arrive.

It will soon be spring!

What the heck is wrong with my carrots?

What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A Carrot. That's still the funniest vegetable joke I know. Unless you know different. There's a comments box and everything. Come on 'ave a go if you think you're funny enough. Here's the thing. My sunny, sheltered, south facing plot has warm, rich, loamy, well drained soil. I live in the south east and we have no discernible rabbit problem. (foxes ate all the rabbits) For carrot growing you just add carrot seeds. That's it. I have everything that 90% of other plot holders across the country and the rest of the carrot eating world spend a lot of time trying to create. I can hear the other 90% of plot holder cursing me now. Oh you poor soul, with your rich loamy soil and sheltered south facing aspect. Talent is what you lack you oaf! The only way I know that my carrots are carrots is because I have litle white markers at the end of each row that says "Carrot". I put them there myself.

This year's crops of carrots have been worm infested and rotten. For every ten carrots I pick, six are inedible, two are under sized and only two are presentable. I'll be hoping for some proper frosts to kick the soil into shape and kill of some of the bugs that are doing all the damage. Clearly carrots are not fire and forget and I'll need to make more time for them next season.

I made it through the rain

Well if you live in the UK you'll know what the major topic of conversation has been over the last few weeks. You guessed it. Rain.

We've been hit by one relentless deluge after another. Add a side order of gales and a couple of frosts and just about everyone had a cold or flu. It's horrible. Truly horrible.

Strangely despite the weather some things on the plot keep growing. WEEDS!!!!! Everywhere is carpeted with weeds. In these dark winter evenings I don't get to the plot after work so I only visit at weekends. Before I can do anything useful I have to hoe out yards of weeds from across the plot. It's becoming quite a drag.

Still I've managed to break the back of the bottom plot. The Asparagus have been tucked up nicely for the winter and the fruit bushes have been dressed with a layer of manure and straw to protect their roots from the frosts. The trees can use a prune but not right now.



The climbing fruits have been trained up some canes so these should be a bit less unruly next season. Apparently we've got two Tay Berry bushes. Two! Think you could pick out a Tay Berry from a line up? I couldn't.


Next. What the heck is wrong with my carrots?

strike out another day to the great god of unplanned quick halfs that get right out of hand

Every good allotmenteer should by now have now have made their to do list.

Got One? Me too.

It's just a reliable way of documenting the outstanding jobs that have been creeping around in the periphery of the plot during the summer.

Whether it's general maintenance like paths, roofs and steps or more seasonal jobs like disinfecting the greenhouse or tidying the shed the irresistible march of time and the continual exposure to the constantly changing weather means that these jobs become due ready or not.

Winter is the time to get some of these jobs done.

Why?

Well lets face it, with everything else that is going on, who has time for all this during the summer?

And that's how it starts.

The to do list summons into being all of allotment life's little irritants, together with the big jobs that have been skulking like black dogs on a dark foot path.

There is always the vain hope that in recognising the extent of your exposure you will some how steel yourself to achieve more. Nope! The to do list serves only to highlight the level of our own poor time organisation and makes us realise that the spell of the dark fairy of indolence is a strong one.

R: Dark fairy help me out!

DF: Well.... You've got all winter.

R: Yes! Yes I have. Thank you dark fairy. I've got all winter.




No I don't.

Between now and March 13th (that's about spring time right?) it will raining, hailing, snowing and sleeting. Heck, it we might even have some frozen soil this year. Doubtful when you live as close to London as I do, but you never know.

Celebrating Christmas this year? Me too. That's another two weekends gone. You won't see those again. Let's not forget the Christmas shopping time too. Let's Just write off the last two weeks of December and the first week of January for starters.

I have several birthdays during that time including a Father, Mother, Grandmother and a couple of very close friends which will each wipe out a Saturday or a Sunday or two.
Despite the wintery conditions there are still plants that need to be sown and all of my soil is in desperate need of compost and manure so that's another two weekends when the general maintenance jobs won't get done.

Allow another weekend for unexpected illness and another one for last minute visitors and strike out another day to the great god of unplanned quick halfs that get right out of hand, and your staring down the barrel of a long weekend and a planned day off work to catch up on the allotment before you need to start planting again.

R: I hate the dark fairy.

DF: Oh Really Rad? How about a quick game of Pro Evolution Soccer? It’s the 2010 version. You can be Spurs I’ll be the Arsenal. Best of 5?

Bean there done that

The last of the seasons tomatoes. Too soft to eat will be fridged and made into sauce.

Yes I have a "Mist" setting on my hose. Oh come on, allow me some artistic licence.

Too fussy I know.

Aumunm Bliss

These are the first real harvest of the raspberrys that I've had. My Nephews graze on these plants every time they visit and Coryn & Harry have a freezer full of them. I can't begin to tell you how great these taste fresh off the bush. This variety is actually called Autumn Bliss. They have a very complex aroma like dried tea leafs and roses, they are soft and juicy and melt in the mouth. Add Raspberrys and a couple of scoops of Green & Black's vanilla ice cream to a bowl and eat with a small spoon.

Borlotti Beans.

If you are making a stew in the coming winter months you can do a lot worse than adding a can of these to proceedings. Canned are best for stews in my opinion. They are rich and starchy and they add real depth to the sauce.

These need a good week maybe two to dry out properly. This is best done on the vine so we take them down now and stick them in the green house to dry. This lot will probably only produce about a pound of beans but it is worth it in my opinion. Don't start a Minestrone with out them!

Here's a tip to give your soups and stews a velvety texture.

Just before your soup is ready to serve take a ladle or two out of the stew or soup and put it in your liquidizer. Make sure you have a little bit of everything in the ladle and not too much liquid. Buzz it until it is very, very smooth. You may need to skim off and bubbles, random debris or unrendered fats that come to the surface ( you'll see them if they are there) and add it back to the stew and stir in well. Now you're cooking. Be careful when using liquidizers and hot liquids.

Shoot the runner

Ha! The end of the runner beans. Cower brief mortal! You are going to die alone in a big black composter and no one will mourn your passing. I hate runner beans!



You're goin' 'ome in a big black composter!
(This is funny to about six people, none of whom read this blog)
How can something that I cherish and revere be so close to something I loath and despise? Oooh! it just like Spurs and Arsenal.

Throw away your television. Chili stuff

Yes it's time for more Red Hot Chilli Pepper malarkey as I attempt to save my chilli plants so they don't have to be grown from seed again next spring. I took a shot at this last year but due to my poor communication we threw away our spent chilli plants last year.

Moving on.

So. Here are what I am tentatively calling my test plants.

Jalapeño mild to medium heat. The reliable work horse of the chilli world. Will produce a pleasant flop sweat on your brow and a warm sensation on your cheeks. More heat than this you are in dare territory!

Anaheim or Stak variety very mild. Just about a pointy sweet pepper really but a prolific cropper.

These are common or garden variety chillis that are uncomplicated to cultivate in a greenhouse. I have found these two plants in particular to have high quality fruits with the jalapeño giving a nice medium heat in cooking.

Sliding scales

For the heat lovers among you there is a chilli heat scale called the Scoville scale.

Here is how it shapes up. The Bell Pepper registers a Zero on the Scoville Scale. No heat.

Conversely the Habenero is a chilli for the serious heat lover. It registers around 300,000 "watts" towards the top end of the Scoville Scale. It has closely related family in the infamous Scotch Bonet and Naga chilli variety used in Jamaican and Bangladeshi cuisine receptively. If there is food in front of you which has been prepared using these, and you are not Bangladeshi or Jamaican or Mexican, then run. You are out of your depth.



HOT, HOTTER, PERFORATED ULCER

There are hotter chillis than the mighty Habenero and it's kissing cousins. A rather unnerving example is that Police grade pepper spray comes in at 5.5 million "watts" on the Scoville Scale.



There are chillies available in this country that are twice as hot at that.


Recent "progress" in crop breeding has produced turbo nutter chillis with names like Mad dog, Mega Death, "Devil's any number of things" and the beautifully poetic "Possible Side Effects".

If this is an avenue you wish to explore than you can do a lot worse than visiting the magnificent Michael Michaud. He's certified organic and probaly has a similar accreditation for his sanity. He is not some loon cross breeding this things in his back garden. He's got a poly tunnel.

Here's the crazy.

http://www.dorsetnaga.com/

Son. You're on your own.








I've grown the Habenaros before and I don't recommend it. They numb your tongue and throat and give you horrendous heartburn. You then get a hot sensation on top of the head and a tingling sensation at the back of the neck. Finally you are drenched in sweat for two hours. Heaven knows what a second bite would do! ( Thank you Peter Mahler)





Example. A teaspoonful of oil from a four year old jar of roasted habeneros will be sufficient to "heat" about 2lbs of chile con carne or a fiery curry to a level where you cannot feel your tongue. Handle only with rubber gloves. Burn the gloves after you have use them. Burn everything else the gloves touched. Lunacy!



Here's your 4 year old jar of roasted Habenaros. Oh yeah. I did! SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO!




Back to the sanity

The Jalapeño registers around 5,000. You know these little guys. These are the chillies that Old El Passo Corp put in the pickle jars and sell to you at £1.75 for 100gs





The Anaheim registers around 250 and is suitable for salsas and adding a zing to a salads or as Homer Simpson would say "suitable for some one recovering from surgery!"

It's basically a pointy sweet pepper.

Once Autumn has passed and the crops have stopped growing we'll look at how to preserve the plants from the tricksy English Winter.