Friday, 3 September 2010

Chicken top trumps would never work

Visitor: What are their names?
Me: Sorry?
Visitor: The Chickens. What are their names?
Me: Chicken. They're all called chicken.
Visitor: Really?
Me: Oh apart from the cockerels. They're called lunch.
Visitor: What?
Me: Lunch.
Visitor: You’ve called all the boy chickens “lunch”. Isn't that confusing?
Me: Not for the chickens. If they did ever say something I imagine it would be in chicken. Not English.

Visitor: So you're planning on eating them?
Me: Not all of them. Just the cockerels.
Visitor: Why only the cockerels?
Me: They don't lay eggs.
Visitor: So if they laid eggs they'd be safe?
Me: No if they laid eggs they’d be hens. The hens are for eggs we don't want to eat them yet.

Visitor: Can I name the chickens?
Me: Knock yourself out.
Visitor: How will everyone know the names I've given to each bird?
Me: Have you thought about making badges?
Visitor: Where would I pin them on?
Me: What about collars or little medallions on a tape?
Visitor: I could put up a notice with a picture of each chicken and his or her name and their characteristics.
Me: Huh. I think you've just invented chicken top trumps.

That Pinter-esque exchange is why we don't have names for our chickens.

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